Who I Am
by maden-dragonheart
Summary: Robin. Sidekick, Team Leader, and Super Hero. This is his tale. The story of hi life, from the start to the end. (Dick version of Robin) r


Another night again  
Another journey without friends  
Another a fight to wish away the loneliness I live

Another circus show  
Another face that I don't know  
Another night of people asking what I have to give

I thought that I would drown  
But it's okay by now

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight  
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin  
The emptiness in me is fadin'  
I can see my life is waitin'  
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

Now I know I'm livin' for who I am...

The fire grows inside  
The feeling can not be denied  
when everywhere I turn there's signs because they push me

Well I was fallin' down  
But it's okay right now

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight  
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin  
The emptiness in me is fadin'  
I can see my life is waitin'  
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

When everything seems grey  
When everyone is fake  
No one really knows you

Look into their eyes  
Rip off your disguise  
Let 'em see the real you

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight  
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin  
The emptiness in me is fadin'  
I can see my life is waitin'  
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

Now I know I'm livin' for who I am...

-Who I am, By Smile Empty Soul

We all have the same goal in life, to leave our mark on the world and not be forgotten. When we are living the last days of our lives, we ask the questions, was it all worth it? Sometimes we answer, yes, yes it was. Others answer with the hard and cold no. Some lie to themselves, say that they never had any opportunities to make something out of life, or that the right time never came by. Others never think they did enough. They could save a life and think that they had done nothing special. It depends on who were on the inside.

To leave your name on the world, you have to earn it. You can't sit around and wait for it to happen, you have to go out and search for it. Nothing ever came to anyone who waited around the house for it to happen. At least that was Robin's theory.

Boy Wonder, the kid every thing good happens to, right? **Wrong.** Robin had anything but a perfect life. From watching his parents fall to their deaths, to becoming a crime fighter who dedicated everything he had to stop the 'bad guy'. He was anything but ordinary.

Robin was leaning forward on one knee with both his hands resting on his leg, with his cape fluttering in the cool wind and a serious face; a trait he had picked up from his mentor at a young age.

Robin watched the ocean's waves crash down on the rocks softly below, the sound and the smell of the ocean was relaxing. Standing on top of titan's tower he had a full view of the ocean that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles until meeting with the light red horizon.

Closing his eyes behind his mask, Robin drained all thought out of his head, all his worries, his concerns, and responsibilities and just listened to the ocean… he was in full relax mode…

"Robin?"

And now it was over.

Opening his eyes and letting back reality, Robin stood up from his conferrable spot and stood. He took in one last deep breath before turning to his team of four.

"Yeah?" he asked trying not to sound annoyed. He wasn't, but he was a little disappointed that his relax time had been cut short.

All his friends were standing behind him, Starfire in the front; she had been the one to say his name first.

The thing that pissed Robin off the most was that they were all looking at him with the same face, as if they were worried about. They were worried! He hated when they acted like this! They would follow him around now the rest of the night, asking him if he was okay every five minutes, then they would look at him as if they were afraid of him.

Robin waited for the blow.

"You okay man?" Cyborg had derived it.

"Yeah." Robin said again. He turned his back to them and gazed back at the sunset. It was getting to the point where the sun was almost gone, in about ten minutes they would be standing out in the darkness.

"You are sure?" asked Starfire. Robin could feel her approaching him.

"Yes, I'm fine Star." Robin confirmed looking over his shoulder at his friends. "Just came to…. to watch the sunset."

Hey, it wasn't all a lie. Sure, he really came up here to think and get away from it all, and the sunset just happened to be there… but it did make a good cover up story.

"You look totally mad at something." Best Boy remarked. That made Robin frown. Gee, thanks…

"Well I'm not." He informed his green friend sternly.

"Don't get mad." Raven hissed. "Were just asking you a question."

Robin's hand clenched into a fist. He opened his mouth to say something, but was drowned out by the loud titan alarm.

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP

Yes, saved by the alarm.

"TITANS! GO!" he yelled… still not getting worn out by the same lame catch fraise.

Robin always got a joy out of fighting, for different reason.

One: because he was obsessed with beating the villain.

Two: because he was competitive, didn't know how to relax and have fun with it, it was always war to him.

Three: because he once made a promise, an oath. That he would always fight against crime and wrongdoing.

But in times like these he did it to remove his anger…

"Have fun in jail." Robin hissed before he delivered one last punch in the face to some thug who was trying to steal from the local bank.

When would they learn? Don't mess with the titans.

"Yeah! Go Rob!" He smiled at Cyborg's compliment, then His 'Whoop, Whoop'.

Robin couldn't help bit smirk at that. It was nice to know that someone thought you were good at something, especially when you think you could have done better at it.

It took him fifteen whole minutes to catch three thugs; it should have only taken him five!

"_Come on Robin!"_ he hissed to himself. "_I can do better. Fight harder! Push next time!"_

Most people think that Robin pushes himself to hard and that he just needs to chill out. But they don't know. They don't know that if he were to clam down if he was to 'chill' then the consequences would be dire. **People would die. And it would be his fault.**

Break-

**A few months ago.**

"Dude, he's hilarious!" The new blond girl said after watching Beast Boy make a complete full out of him.

"Hilarious? Me? Really?" Beast boy seemed shocked. Then again she was pretty much the only girl to think he was funny.

The girl nodded, making Beast Boy look like he was going to faint.

She was kind of cute. With long blond hair that stopped about mid back, bright blue eyes, and long legs that were easily exposed by her short pants. Cute, hell yeah, not really Robin's type though…

"See you heard of us?" He asked. It was kind of nice to know that people knew him and his teammates, nice… and a little creepy sometimes. "But who are you?"

'Oh'. Right." She said laughing. She held out a hand that was covered with a brown glove. "I'm Terra."

Robin shook her hand. "Good to meet you, Terra."

_Terra, there was an accident waiting to happen. _

After meeting Terra, the titans instantly grew attached to her. Even Raven came to like her. (It just took a while)

With Cyborg; she knew how to make jokes and have a good time and just chill out with him.

Starfire: both were kind and gentle so there was no problems there.

Raven: after a while they understood each other.

Beast Boy: that was a funny one. Beast Boy was head over heals in _love_ with her. She laughed at his jokes, complimented his winnings, (in battle and on a game) and paid attention to him.

And with Robin, she was focused. Got the job done. She was ruff around the edges, but had a good mind, and with a bit of training she would be a great fighter.

Robin did notice that something wasn't quite right with her though. After she left for about three months, after finding out that Robin knew she couldn't control her powers, they had heard nothing, not a letter, phone call, nothing from her. It was if she dropped off the face of the earth. The she comes back, and suddenly she knows how to control her powers and her issues are just suddenly gone… something was way wrong.

But he didn't notice. Why? Because, he trusted her. He trusted her with his very life! She was a great person on the inside. He knew she was! She was just lost and confused. Robin could relate, he had been in her position more then once. So he thought that he knew where she was coming from

Terra; she was one of his greatest friend… and one of his worst enemies…

"I knew she was too good to be true." Raven hissed darkly the night that Beast Boy had brought news of Terra's betrayal.

"This is truly a terrible night." Sighed Starfire, lowering her pretty face to her chest. She looked like she was about to cry… and he couldn't blame her.

"What are we gana do?" Cyborg asked softly.

"We have to take her down."

Every one looks up and stares at Robin. Did he just say 'take her down'?

"We have no choice." Robin continued despite his friend's disapproving gaze. "We're the Teen Titans. We have to take down all the enemies we can… even if it means bring down Terra."

There was an eerie silence after he said these words. His friends knew it was what they had to do, but they couldn't imagine doing it. They had all grown to love Terra… how could they possibly beat her up… or worse?

"What about B.B.?" Asked Cyborg. The group looked over in the corner of the room. There lying on some kind of dog bed was Beast Boy in dog form… curled up around a heart shaped box… the same one he gave Terra before she betrayed them…

"He just need some time," said Robin softly.

_THIS IS MY ENTIRE FAULT!_

POW

_IF I ONLY PAID MORE ATTION!_

POW

_I COULD HAVE SAVED HER!_

Robin swung his fist into his punching bag again…and again. Already his hands were turning numb, if he kept this up he might break them, then he really would be no help to the titans.

But Robin didn't care. Figuring that if maybe he put pain on a different part of the body then it would leave his heart and mind.

We swung harder.

_I'm such an idiot! This is Slade that she betrayed us for! I've been there! I should have seen the signs!_

There it was again. His anger. The one thing that he tried to keep hidden but always seemed to get out. But it was always there deep within him and always found a way out. The needles of frustration shot throughout his body, causing him to got crazy.

_Now she knows all our secrets and all our plans! She's probably telling them to Slade right now!_

The punching bag wasn't enough now.

Taking one last swing at it anyway, Robin jumped on his bed and literally screamed into his pillow. After a few seconds of yelling swearing words, Robin straitened up and tried to fix his spiked up hair. Just to try to ease him.

_Calm down Robin! _

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and breathed out.

NOT HELPING!

_I can't calm down! I have to find out were Slade is hiding this time and take him and Terra down before they can do anything else wrong!_

He could feel his heart racing madly inside his chest. The fight had begun. And he was going to let Terra know that the Teen Titans were going to win this war. No matter what!

His head was aching; but he couldn't stop. He had to find out what Slade was planning next, even if was the last thing he did.

Alone in the dark corner of his room was where Robin found it the easiest to study over the villains and wrong doers of the world. In the dark was where the bad guys chose to live, and in the dark Robin felt as if he could relate to them and maybe see things through their eyes and know what they were planning next.

Even the light felt dim here…

Looking over all the profiles, all the wanted adds, all the new paper clippings, all the blue prints of Slade… and he still found nothing.

"What are you planning?" he hissed under his breath.

The picture of Slade that he was holding was looking up at him. Laughing. Taunting him. Just like he always did.

_You can't beat me Robin. No one can now. _

The words filled his ears and shot through his body.

_You had your chance. And I got away…now it's too late._

"SHUT UP!" Robin roared at the photograph.

His eyes widened behind his mask.

The picture wasn't talking, and it wasn't laughing ether. It was all in his head.

Slade was driving him mad. AGAIN!

_I need some water…or a gun to shot myself. Ether one will work fine._

Getting up from where he was sitting and walking out of his dark room Robin tried to clear his head. But found it impossible to do; it was buzzing and was driving him crazy.

Not even bothering to turn on the lights on in the hall, Robin walked around the tower. His feet knew the way from instinct. Who many times had he walked down the same hallway?

There was a loud _swish _as the doors opened to the kitchen.

"Couldn't sleep ether?"

Robin jumped, startled by the voice. It took him a few minutes to realize what had just happened.

And when he did he felt worse…

"Yeah… something like that. You okay Beast Boy?"

Robin could only see the back of Beast Boy's head on the couch, but it was enough to tell he was shacking his head. "I feel… so alone…"

Robin sighed. He was afraid of this.

He walked to the sofa where Beast Boy was sitting and rested a hand on a slumped over shoulder.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Silence.

"I'll take that as a yes." Robin jumped on the couch and sank down next to Beast Boy.

For five minutes Robin sat their patiently waiting for his friend to say something. But luckily Robin had patience.

"I thought she was different…" Beast Boy started silently. "I never thought that she'd- that it would end- like this…"

"No one did." Robin said turning his to look at Beast Boy. "We all trusted her…"

"That's why it hurts so much." On his last words Beast Boy chocked, as if the very words were making it hard for him to breath.

Terra, what have you done to our Beast Boy? Robin had never seen him like this. Beast Boy was always happy, always laughing. Not once had Robin ever seen him cry. The usually playful smirk and joyous eyes were gone. And in their place were two teary eyes and a quivering mouth.

"Beast Boy- I, I'm so sorry." Robin hesitated, he was about to out his hand back on his green friends shoulder, but thought that it wouldn't do any good. "For everything."

"I really loved her… and she broke my heart." His green eyes met Robins behind his mask. A single tear rolled down his check.

"I'm sorry that she hurt you." Robin said. Not able to look at those eyes any longer, he turned his head away and looked at his feet. "And I'm sorry about what I did."

"What did _you_ do?" He sounded shocked. Did he not know? "It's not like you helped her or anything."

"No. But it's all still my fault." Robin conformed. "And I'm sorry about that."

"Dude, stop." Beast Boy sounded mad. Had Robin said something wrong? "Things are bad enough around here with out you blaming yourself for ever little thing that goes wrong! If you are going to blame yourself for what happened to Terra I swear I'll go mad!"

Robin was speechless. Never had anyone on the team yelled at him before. (Well maybe Cyborg) Especially not Beast Boy.

"But… I was the one who told you all that we could trust her. I was the one who let her join the team. Remember?"

"Yeah. But you're human. And humans make mistakes. But you can't blame yourself for everyone else's mistakes." Beast Boy stood up from the couch now. "It was Terra's mistake, not yours. So don't blame yourself for things you didn't do! Your going to drive us all crazy if you do!"

And he was gone.

Beast Boy's words stayed in Robin's mind for a long time.

Maybe he was right, maybe it wasn't Robin's fault. No. Deep down inside of his heart he knew it was still his fault. It was his team and his responsibility. Meaning he had to watch over them and make sure that nothing happened to them. So it was his fault.

Fighting Terra came harder that they all thought. They all underestimated her. Well… all but one that is. Beast Boy kept his head up and was always one step ahead of Robin in the case.

He said that he knew Terra the best, and that he could still help her. Not having the heart to break Beast Boy's, Robin never told him that she was hopeless.

But for some Reason Beast Boy refused to believe the worst. He would even consider that Terra might just be all bad now. That she did betray them on her own will. He admitted that she made a mistake and that she needed to be brought down. But he told his teammates that she just needed help, and that they couldn't just give up on her. But hey, maybe that was just love.

Good thing too.

From what Robin could find out from what happened to Terra was pretty sad. At the last second she told Slade that she didn't want to help him bring down the titans any more. But Slade wouldn't take no for an answer. Finding a way to control her body, Slade forced Terra to fight against Beast Boy. She would have killed him if she hadn't of come to her senses and fought off Slade.

What happened next is still a bit of a mystery to Robin, but it's something eh would never forget.

She sacrificed her lifeso the team to escape. She let herself die to protect the team.

She was a true Titan… and a true friend.

And she was dead…. and it was all Robin's fault.

break-

**Back to Present**

"Hey Rob!"

Robin turned his head from the window to look at his friends who were gathered around the table licking their lips.

"C'mon man! Pizza Time!" Cyborg said as he waved the Pizza box in the air at him. "Hurry before we eat it all!"

"Be right there."

It was all just the beginning.

* * *

Whoa…. I hated how this turned out. I think I jumped into the whole Terra thing to early, but I thought that it would be good to show a little bit of how robin treated himself by showing a death… and I didn't want to bring his parents into it this early ether. Umm…the next chapters will be better, I promise, this one I kinda rushed but the next ones will tell about his life, past and future. So just hold on!

By the way sorry about my spelling, my computers weird and it doesn't tell me if I'm using the right word or not, so yeah….


End file.
